we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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