wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize