Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
