i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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