I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
don't judge my taste in strippers
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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