Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
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