It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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