I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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