You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
