i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
