She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i came on her dog
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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