The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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