I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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