The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
