Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
