I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
