Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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