Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize