You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
