Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
