Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
