I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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