hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
being pregnant is like rehab
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
