I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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