Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
