I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
