The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
