the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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