Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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