Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
