video games are the ultimate cock blocker
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
In other news, I just burned my penis
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
