I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize