You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
