how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize