Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Someone shattered a urinal.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
