I wannas sexs uuuuu
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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