Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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