So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
there was a trapeze. enough said
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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