Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
