you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
