You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
