you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I smell like Dick and happiness
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
