You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize