I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
