dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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