I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
