nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
