my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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