i just had sex bonerless
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
