Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
