mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
3 2 1 whiskey
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
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