I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
