You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
