we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
