Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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