im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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