dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My vagina is officially offended.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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