Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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