I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
