He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
