Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
