I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
