She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
