Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
thus making me awesome and them whores
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
