Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
