Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
