she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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