before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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