Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
