I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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