I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize