Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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