This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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