My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
