Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize