Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Help me help you realize you are a moron
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
