guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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