I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
