oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
No I am not eating basil off your cock
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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