Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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