3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
